Bobcats 118, Magic 108

Okay, quick test. In his essential-reading weekly column, “Monday Morning Quarterback,” CNNSI.com’s Peter King had this item in his “Things I Think I Think” section:

“a. Craig Biggio has some Tom Brady in him. Same kind of superstar -- accessible, team-first, thoughtful.”

After reading this, is your first thought:
a) Great comparison, they’re both old-school competitors who just want to win but are also very down to earth and “team-first,” as King pointed out.

Or is it:
b) So, apparently, does Gisele Bundchen.

I’ll admit it was (b) for me, and in fact I was vaguely surprised that none of King’s editors caught what I thought to be an obvious set-up line and asked him to re-phrase it. On the other hand, maybe I’m just a total gutter-brain and I’m a terrible, hell-bound human being for thinking like this. However, if other people out there had a similar experience when they read that line, I’d like to hear your thoughts—I think they’d be comforting for me.

Anyway, onto the game, and cue either Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” or Snoop Dogg’s “Tha Shizznit,” because our 8-game losing streak is NO MORE!! The Bobcats erupted to shoot 56% from the field and 64% on 3-pointers to defeat the Orlando Magic. Leading the way was Derek Anderson with 24 points and 10 assists, his first double-double since April 2003, or 4-months BHY! (Before Hey Ya!, which tends to be how I measure events that occurred during that year).

I suppose the victory is a bit loaded, because let’s face it: Orlando has been Magically Atrocious lately. I’ve been watching them for the past few games (although not because I’ve been “scouting” them or anything dorky like that; they’ve just been coincidentally playing teams I’ve wanted to see, like the Spurs, Bulls, and the Mavericks), and this is clearly not a good team. Granted, their last game was against the Rockets, who are like a subway restroom mirror: they make everyone look bad, but still, Orlando's scrapping for that last playoff spot yet playing as if nothing is on the line.

Case in point: Dwight Howard was invisible all night, which you’d think would be hard to do if you’re 7-feet tall—hell, even Primoz Brezec fouls people to remind us he’s there. True, Howard had 26 and 11, but 13 of his points came at the end of the game, when the only people left watching were the type who have no qualms wearing orange wigs in public. The foul line is also proving to be Howard’s End, as he went 10/19 at the charity stripe. Between Howard and Milicic, the Magic are solid in the interior, because even if they don’t put up stats, they disrupt lots of shots. What Orlando needs is help on the perimeter, an upgrade over the wildly competent Jameer Nelson, perhaps in the form of a certain score-first, ego-centric Florida native and soon-to-be free agent, if you catch my drift…

Enough about the Magic, let’s take a nice long swim in Lake Us. It was a fabulous effort all-around. Of course G-Dub was doing his thing, twisting Orlando’s minds and smashing their dreams with 20 points and 9 assists. But Raymond Felton also had 21 points and 7 assists, and Sean May—played, first of all—had 14 points on 6/8 shooting. The Bobcats had a team record of 14 3-pointers and 39 assists—when was the last time they set a team record that was actually a positive one?

Even Brezec had 17 points! I haven’t been this surprised and proud of a person since my parents—who are as white as can be—told me over the phone that they had rented and enjoyed Barbershop and 8 Mile (“he’s a tremendous wordsmith,” my father told me afterward). Yep, Primoz had a little something in him last night, and that wasn't a bulge in his disk, if you know what I'm saying...