Thumbs Up/Sideways/Down

Thumbs Up: Old Athletes
I just can’t tell you how happy I am to see guys like Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, Pete Sampras, Brett Favre, Scottie Pippen, Barry Bonds, Evander Holyfield, Ken Griffey, Jr., Frank Thomas, and Ricky Henderson always dominating the headlines…because I’m not happy about it. At all. Not one of those oldsters is going to have any impact on their teams’ championship hopes this year (except maybe a negative one), yet the talking heads refuse to quit discussing them. The spotlight on the feeble Favre is particularly inexplicable, considering he plays for a team in Wisconsin that hasn’t been to the Super Bowl in a decade. I can’t imagine the kind of press A-Rod’s going to command by the time he turns 40. But you go, gramps, and get yours as long as you can (even if I’m convinced this is all because a lot of sportswriters are too lazy to learn the names of new players).

Thumbs Sideways: Opposing Players’ Relationships
Are guys on opposing teams supposed to love or hate each other? I guess it depends on who you ask. Venting his disgust over the Bulls-Pistons series, in which nobody was assaulted and the teams merely played basketball games against each other, ESPN’s Chris Sheridan advises the following: “You must hate, and if you can't bring yourself to hate, you at least have to feel a deep, deep dislike for the guys wearing the other uniform.” Man, I’m surprised Chris didn’t end that transmission with “God is great!” and submit it through the Al-Jazeera network.

On the other hand, William C. Rhoden, in Forty Million Dollar Slaves, falls just short of likening modern athletes to attack pit bulls, raised in cages and trained to kill each other for the amusement of their owners. “Although the NBA is filled with black players of similar backgrounds, they’ve been unable be to form a supportive community…because the (recruiting) Conveyor Belt, with its breeding of competitive spirit, does not engender camaraderie and kinship.”

I personally think both guys need to calm down. The Bulls didn’t win this series mostly because they shot worse than Dick Cheney, they have no low-post presence, and their guards aren’t very good at penetrating. Pontificate all you want, but I just don’t believe this series really was “symbolic” of anything…

Thumbs Down: The Orlando Magic
I keep reading about how they’re a “team on the rise,” and I’m sorry but, no, they’re not. Yes, they have Dwight Howard—good for them—but that’s it. I mean, do you honestly believe Hedo Turkoglu is going to vastly improve? Ditto for Jameer Nelson, with his 13 points and 4 assists per game? I know Nelson will only be entering his 4th season next year, but remember, he played all 4 years in college—I just don’t see how much higher his ceiling can go. Grant Hill’s most likely out the door, and the rest are all bit players: Ariza, Arroyo, Dooling, and the incomparable Darko Milicic. What am I not seeing here? The Magic’s appeal is as mysterious to me as Young Jeezy’s: darlings with the media, yet I see nothing but mediocre skills and limited upside.