My Fair GM

The Bobcats officially named Rod Higgins as their GM on Thursday. In a press conference, Higgins thanked owners Michael Jordan and Bob Johnson for the opportunity, and then celebrated the moment with an impromptu rendition of his musical classic, “Why Can’t a Man Be More Like a Woman?” No wait, I’m thinking of Harry Higgins. Anyway, here’s my question: what will Higgins and coach Sam Vincent talk about when the topic of conversation turns to the 2007 playoffs? After all, it was Higgins’ Warriors who shocked and embarrassed Vincent’s Mavericks. Isn’t it still a little too early to put these guys in the same room together? Is there a precedent for this? I’m trying to think of one, but nothing comes to mind. Rodman didn’t go straight from the Pistons to the Bulls, and even the soul-less Yankees waited a year before taking Johnny Damon after the ’04 ALCS.

I’m not sure what to make of the hiring. First, I thought Bernie Bickerstaff was going to stay in the role, so what’s BB going to do now? He is still with us, right? Maybe I’m spooked after having seen Away From Her. Second, this entire time I thought the GM of the Warriors was Chris Mullin—this is the first I’ve ever heard that Higgins was actually Golden State’s GM. I mean, it’s always Mullin who does those chat sessions with Chad Ford in which the guest GM answers every single question with, “Well, at the end of the year we’ll evaluate our options and go from there.” Third, isn’t this almost like the GM-equivalent of signing Bonzi Wells or Jerome James? Are we just signing a guy because he managed to put together one great playoff series, even though his entire regular season was borderline crappy? Golden State hadn’t made the playoffs since Coolio was an up-and-coming MC, and they only snuck in this year on the last game of the season—not exactly Red Auerbach material. Granted, it was a great move on the Warriors’ part to get rid of some wildly overpaid players in the Dunleavy/Murphy-Jackson/Harrington heist, but c’mon, Indiana had no leverage on that one. The Pacers were trying to offload Jackson only because it was illegal to have him murdered; with every game, you’d see Larry Bird in the stands looking more and more like Phil Spector, so I'm not prepared to give Higgins that much credit.

Other ruminations: I was really hoping the Jazz could extend their series at least one more game, because it’s going to be forever until the Finals and the draft at this pace. With the Yankees rapidly devolving into the cast of Cocoon, I don’t know how I’m going to entertain myself until then (other than trying to keep control of my raging id of a dog, Lincoln). Are there any good movies out now? It seems like everything involves either pirates or penguins; they ought to just come out with The Pirates of Penguin Island and get it out of their system—maybe throw in Will Farrell and Steve Cassell while they’re peaking and it’d practically guarantee at least a hundred mil gross over the first weekend.

And oh yeah, while I’m thinking about it: he was a pioneer, and he seems like a good guy and all, but PLEASE, no more rapping, Mr. KRS-One. I just downloaded the new single, “Classic (Better Than I’ve Ever Been),” with Kanye West, Nas, and KRS, and I won’t even sugarcoat it: his verse is embarrassing. It’s seriously just, like, 8 rhyming couplets (e.g., “Peace, love, unity, having fun/These are the lyrics of KRS-One!”) Ugh. I’ve heard more intricate rhyming out of Dr. Seuss. It reminded me of every now and then when the WWE carts out one of their past 80s/early 90s wrestlers for nostalgia’s sake, and you realize that a) not only are they awkward and horrible, but b) they’re actually not much worse than how they were originally. In fact, I would say that rap and wrestling are two art forms that have advanced the furthest in 25 years; you wouldn’t want to watch most wrestling from the 80s because it’s slow and simplistic, and for the exact same reasons, you wouldn’t want to hear most rap from that era either. Discuss…