Bobcats Thoughts, 1/20

The Bobcats went 1-for-2 against the West this weekend, as well as 1-for-2 in uniforms. Saturday night was “NASCAR Night” at Bobcats Arena, a promotion that makes no more sense to me now than it did last year. It’s pretty hard to come up with a smaller cross-section than “Bobcats/NASCAR” fans—it’d be like Mike Huckabee suddenly trying to appeal to his “Hispanic/Jewish” contingent—yet not only do we hold a NASCAR Night, we even unleash some ridiculous “checkered flag”-style uniforms. Unbelievable. I’m assuming NASCAR doesn’t have a “Bobcats 400” race, so I have no idea what’s in this for us. The ultimate irony is that NASCAR drivers famously dress in nothing but corporate logos, and we’re, like, the ONLY team who can’t sell their arena’s naming rights to any businesses. Perhaps we could be the “NASCAR Arena”?

Regardless, the team ran cold-and-then-hot in the back-to-back games. New Orleans crushed us on Friday—it seemed like we were out of this from the time the plane touched down. Other than the plane landing, the second quarter was the turning point, as the Hornets shot 65% and we shot…well, let’s just say it was less than or equal to 65%. The ending of the half was particularly gory, as we went 1-for-8 to fall behind by 19. The domination was so thorough that after the game Hornets coach Byron Scott sounded like a Third World dictator who’d just squashed a coup attempt by leftist rebels. “When you have your foot on their neck,” Scott told reporters, “don't let them up. Smash them down. It might sound kind of cruel but you've got to have that.” Scott then announced that he was temporarily suspending the Hornets’ team constitution and imposing martial law.

Gee, why can’t our coach sound like that? Did you hear Coach Vincent after the Pistons’ game with the bogus offensive basket interference? “I'm sure we're going to contact the league,” Vincent said. “We'd like to do what Miami did and play the last minute over again, also. I believe it would be justified.” C’mon, coach, get aggressive! You think Winston Churchill would have “liked” for the Brits to never surrender in WWII? Was Martin Luther King “pretty sure” he had a dream? Did Public Enemy “believe it would be justified” to fight the power? Where’s the rage?!

Anyway, the only other thing remotely interesting about this lopsided blowout was former Bobcat Melvin Ely, who was sporting a protective mask straight out of V For Vendetta—either that or he was headed to an Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy party afterward. Otherwise, it was Tyson Chandler and David West making our front court look stupid. Chandler needs to come up with a nickname for himself, because he’s long and strikes out of nowhere—how about “the Mamba,” or is that already taken? The same could be said for West, who has no moves to speak of, but just sticks it in the hole (how about the “Inexperienced Male Prostitute” as a nickname then?). And then there’s Chris Paul, who only needed to play 30 minutes and still finished with 13 assists. Add that up with Peja Stojakovic going 5-for-7 from long range and it was a 3-quarter game for both teams’ starters.

Saturday against Memphis was considerably better. We shot 81% in the third quarter, which apparently broke the team record...Hmmm, does that mean the existing record was 80%? When the hell did we ever shoot 80% in a quarter before? I'd have thought just shooting 61% in a quarter would be an all-time high. Anyway, Jason Richardson knew when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, scoring 38 and going 6-for-10 from downtown and grabbing a completely-out-of-character 14 rebounds.

J-Rich's performance was topped only by Gerald Wallace’s 28 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 steals. One of the many annoyances of never getting broadcasts called by our announcers is that I always have to listen to other teams’ commentators bringing their viewers up-to-date on the Bobcats. It’s good that they do that for their audience and all, but considering the season we’ve had, it’s painful to be told most of this stuff again and again as if I’m hearing it for the first time. For instance, at some point the camera will inevitably show Sean May and Adam Morrison in street clothes, so of course they’ll talk about their “devastating injuries” and how they’re now out for the season. Or I’ll have to hear about how we recently acquired Nazr Mohammed, who at least one of the commentators usually feels is probably over-priced, etc. etc. This must be how all of the characters in the movie Memento felt as Leonard told them things he thought he was saying for the first time, only it was like the hundredth time. But anyway, the one sequence I never mind rehashing is Wallace dunking, stealing the opposing team’s pass, and dunking again, followed by one of the announcers saying, “Wallace is all over the court tonight, (Jim, Dave, Red, Tommy).”

Even Coach Vincent had no shortage of praise for Richardson and Wallace. “I think they've gotten to the point,” he said afterward, “where they're comfortable in their coexistence. They know they're both scorers and they're both going to get shots. I think our nucleus is starting to feel comfortable around them as well." Actually, Coach Vincent had a surplus of praise. His comments really make me want to get out the red marker. Oh, what the heck, I have tomorrow off:

"I think they've gotten to the point where t (delete) They're comfortable in their coexistence. They know t (delete) They're both scorers and they're both going to get shots. I think o (delete) Our nucleus is starting to (delete) feels comfortable around them as well."

Ah, that felt good! My thanks to the aforementioned King!