Bobcats Thoughts, 1/04

How many times are we going to see the Bobcats take a large 3rd quarter lead and then fail miserably down the stretch? At least one more time, apparently, because they did it again against the Bulls on Wednesday. Do you realize that with that loss, we now account for a quarter of Chicago’s wins this season? Suffering through a 3rd straight Cats-Bulls game with that crack Chicago announce team just made it all the better. Here’s a sampling of Red Kerr’s “commentary”: “Ohhh! Awww, that’s a foul, ref! C’mon, (Andres) Noc(ioni)! Oh, that was traveling! Awww!” I’m not exaggerating this at all—this is how he sounds, like he’s actually playing the game rather than analyzing it. At least the horrible Tommy Heinsohn uses mostly words; Kerr spends the whole time grunting. I really don’t have anything else to say about Kerr—it’s like criticizing Jeff McInnis or Britney Spears. He’s absolutely terrible and it’s not even funny anymore. I’m tapping out, NBA League Pass, until you guys make it a rule that the telecasts split up the announce crews evenly, like home and away games for teams. If (god forbid) we have to play the Bulls another three times this year, we should get our announce crews all three times to even it out.

What in the world is Sam Vincent thinking? Jeff McInnis starting at the 1? No Nazr at center? Why?! I can only guess that Vincent read that ESPN.com article by Lake and McKitish and decided he better bench Mohammed before he starts to suck. Coach, you have to wait for him to play poorly first. Haven’t we learned the dangers of preemptive strikes in this country?

Apparently not, because why else would we go small against Chicago when it’s been well documented that they have no big-time low-post presence?!? This whole thing played out like Airplane!, when they ask that guy, “Shouldn’t we turn on the runway lights?” and he goes, “No, that’s just what they’d be expecting us to do.” Of course Joakim Noah’s going to look like Moses Malone when the biggest guy out there is Okafor.

Look, if Sam Vincent was a well-established coach with some cache to burn, that’d be one thing. It’s why we forgive Radiohead when they put out Kid A, Jay-Z when he does Kingdom Come, or HBO with John From Cincinnati. These are credible geniuses who have the right to stray from the formula every now and then (sometimes it even works too—I challenge you to find a more potently beautiful song than G’N’R’s “November Rain,” and look where it is on that album: just two songs removed from “Back Off Bitch.”) But if those artists had STARTED with those albums, they’d never have gotten work in the first place. Jay-Z would still be slinging crack in Bed-Stuy, and Radiohead would be panhandling in the subway with acoustic versions of “Creep” and “Paranoid Android.”

Anyway, 17 offensive boards for the Bulls. I repeat: seventeen. That's the worst use of the number "17" since that Winger song. How about Gerald Wallace out-assisting Jeff McInnis 8-to-5? Andres Nocioni and Aaron Gray in a race to see whose haircut could most resemble Anton Chigurh’s? Kerr’s grunting? Noah’s screaming practically every time he jumps? I can only imagine him in the gym lifting weights (here’s a scary thought: what if he had a baby with Monica Seles? Would cutting the umbilical chord alone shatter the hospital window glass?). These are among the many stats and images that will haunt me from Wednesday’s loss. And to think, we were actually leading for a good portion of this game. In fact, we had a 72-64 edge with 5:35 to go in the 3rd. But then the Bulls went on such a frenetic tear, that instead of Johhny Kerr, the play-by-play should have been done by Ghostface Killah. We only scored 22 point in the final 17 minutes. Oh yeah, it was that bad.

Next up: the NJ Nets. Oh dear lord. The Izod Center. Vince Carter. I may be paranoid, but not an android, and this could be brutal. In fact, I’m already sobbing softly to myself just thinking about it. The panic, the vomit, the panic, the vomit. God loves his children, god loves his children…