Charlotte Bobcats 2007 Draft Preview

Okay, now that it’s official and Bonzi Wells is staying in Houston, I can proceed with this draft preview. I can also proceed to come down off the ledge, because lately I’ve had terrible nightmares in which our “big” free agency pickup ends up being Bonzi. These dreams were akin to that digital girl’s in the Final Fantasy movie, only with giant “Bonzi” armies coming at me and threatening to rip out my screaming soul instead of aliens. As a longtime Yankees fan, I’ve already been tormented enough by fat, underachieving guys named “Wells.” So bless you, Bonzi, for staying in Houston.

(PS—I love how ESPN.com diplomatically put it in the release: “The temperamental Wells hardly played last season, sidelined with various injuries and a rift with coach Jeff Van Gundy.” “Various injuries?” I guess “acute laziness” and “chronic obesity” are considered injuries then. “Rift?” It’s not like he and Jeff Van Gundy were having an argument over what the national health care system should look like. This was only a rift if you consider a disagreement over whether or not a player should be allowed to miss practice repeatedly because he’s hung over in his hotel and scarfing down packs of Ding Dongs and Ho Hos to be a “rift.”)

Moving on, so how are we going to handle Thursday? Here’s what we’ve got: the 8th and 22nd picks in the draft and about $30 million in cap space. We’ve got good-to-great starters at point guard (Raymond Felton), small forward (Gerald Wallace), and power forward (Emeka Okafor). We’ve got a fair-to-good shooting guard (Matt Carroll) who really should be coming off the bench. And we’ve got a bad-to-horrible center (Primoz Brezec) who really should be the World’s Tallest Sword-Eater or something in a traveling East European gypsy carnival.

We’ve also got a bunch of spare parts: Walter Herrmann, a shoot-first, defense-almost-never backup 3; Adam Morrison, a shoot-first, miss-often, defense-somehow-even-less-than-Herrmann backup 2/3; Brevin Knight, a backup point guard with starting groin injury potential; Sean May, a Bonzi-Wells-in-training but with maddeningly great ability for the third of a season he DOES get around to playing the 4; Jake Voskuhl, a hard fouling specialist to backup Primoz Brezec (or, really, “replace” is probably the better word, particularly after Primoz picks up his 3rd foul just five minutes into the game and then loses a jump ball to Nate Robinson). We’ve also got Jeff McInnis as the backup-backup point guard, and Ryan Hollins as the backup-backup center, but if this rundown was sung to the Gilligan’s Island theme song, you’d say their names like “the Professor and Mary-Ann”; they’re basically bit players in this zaniness.

So how will this go down? Well, I gotta say, this mock draft I did with the SB Nation was almost as instructive as it was dorky, because it allowed me to see how things might shake out. I think I learned some crucial information, and now I feel kinda like Donnie Darko, using knowledge gained in a parallel universe to go back in time to save the actual universe (hopefully, this doesn’t also require getting impaled by a gigantic falling airplane turbine, especially with some song by Echo and the Bunnymen or Joy Division playing in the background—that would be horrible).

First, I think it’s a safe bet that Messrs. Oden, Durant, Horford, Jianlin, and Conley will already be off the board by the time the pick comes to us. But someone from the pool of Jeff Green, Corey Brewer, Joakim Noah, and Brandan Wright will still be around. If it’s either of the first two, I would take them unequivocally (especially Brewer). At this high up, we have to draft according to the best player, NOT according to need. Green and Brewer would both be quality fill-ins at the 3; Brewer might be a starter right now at the 2, and Green can take over when (not if) Okafor pops something in his legs and has to sit for a quarter of the season.

And yeah, I’d probably take Noah if he’s around too. I know, I know, I’ve been crucifying him on and off for the past few weeks, and yes, he’s annoying every time he opens his mouth AND he looks irritatingly like Angelina Jolie in A Mighty Heart, but he’s performed well in all of his workouts. Plus, he might be able to play the center, and I want another dose of Brezec at center for a year like I want a dose of the clap. And again, Okafor’s a threat to miss 10 games in a row or more at any time, and someone’s going to need to step in.

However, I would NOT take Brandan Wright if he’s the one left at #8. He’s rawer than a California roll and was frighteningly unmotivated last year for long periods of time, despite UNC Coach Roy Williams turning various shades of purple on the bench. If Wright is the only one left, I would look to trade this pick for one in the mid-teens and a competent backup PG or C. And with that ensuing mid-round pick I’d shoot for a Spencer Hawes, an Al Thornton, a Julian Wright, an Acie Law, a Thaddeus Young, or a Nick Young…or a Brandan Wright, for that matter.

As for the 22nd pick, ideally I’d like Javaris Crittenton or Gabe Pruitt to still be there, because, seriously, let's face it: something on Brevin Knight is going to blow at any moment. He’s like a major household appliance on the last year of its warranty. This is also assuming that we haven’t been able to land Chauncey Billups, Mo Williams, or Smush Parker thru free agency at a reasonable price (and, hell, even if we CAN get Parker). Morris Almond keeps being tossed around, but I really don’t know anything about the shooting guard factory that is Rice University. Someone mentioned BC/Boston County Correctional Facility’s Shaun Williams too, but I’d rather avoid a guy who seems to live his life as if it were a game of Grand Theft Auto. And frankly, I’m hoping he goes to the Nets and combines with Marcus Williams and three others to someday form the League’s only All-Juvenile Delinquent squad.

So there you have it. There’s plenty to be excited about come Thursday, and it’s also going to be tough to screw this one up…but not impossible.