All right, everybody, calm down. It appears that Gerald Wallace will be a Bobcat for the next 6 years, at less than $10 mil per—nothing to see here…
Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve never reacted maturely to good news. As soon as I read the headline last night I blasted “Crazy in Love” and began strutting down my block like Beyonce in the video. I basically have two loves in this life: my wife and Gerald Wallace—actually, make that three, because I’m also in love with a boy named Chien-Ming Wang. But anyway, this is incredibly great news. This could be a generational thing for Carolinians; twenty years from now, we might be asking ourselves where we were when we heard Crash re-signed?
Not surprisingly, I was on my hands and knees, cleaning up cat vomit. One of my cats has been puking up so much recently that I’m starting to think she’s bulimic. My morale has been south of bad ever since word spread that Dallas was interested in Gerald. And by all accounts, Mark Cuban was coming up on our rearview mirror quick, like those T-Rexes in Jurassic Park. I’m still not feeling completely safe, because so far, Wallace and the team have only agreed “in principle.” "There's still some paperwork issues to work out before we can get everything signed, but we're happy," Bernie Bickerstaff told The Associated Press. Okay well, make sure that Lexmark has got enough paper, check the print cartridges, Save File As “Awesome Contract_G Wallace,” and let’s get this puppy signed, Bernie! What’s the holdup?!
Our deal with Wallace looks especially good against the backdrop of some truly hideous ones this week. Darko Milicic to Memphis for “substantially more than $5.3 million a year” (according to ESPN.com), Jason Kapono to Toronto for $5.36 million, Steve Francis getting paid not to play for $30 million, and the mother of them all: 6 years and $115 million to Rashard Lewis. I was actually in a bar with coworkers when I saw that last one, and if I hadn’t been drunk already, I would’ve sworn I was drunk.
But enough about the others, here’s to us! We’ve got a great nucleus of stars at every position: Felton, Wallace, Richardson, Okafor, Bre—well, four-outta-five ain’t bad. We’ve also got some bright electrons with Carroll, Herrmann, and Morrison (I still haven’t given up). And if we can re-sign Jake Voskuhl, he can lend some stability; he’s like the noble gas of the group. We also should have approximately $8-9 million remaining in cap space to get a competent backup point guard, so let’s say a little prayer for MJ to make something happen. And on that note, I’d like to thank CNNSI.com’s Kelly Dwyer, who actually had poor MJ ranked second-to-last in his rankings of GMs, 4 slots behind Isiah Thomas and 11 behind Steve Kerr, who I’m not sure has even officially taken the job yet. That can’t sit well with Mike, and we all know how he reacts to being slighted…
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment