Bobcats Thoughts, 3/10

Just to show you how I handle success, amidst this miraculous five-game winning streak, the first thing I like addressing is Tom Sorensen’s recent “Nobody Cares” article in the Charlotte Observer. First of all, Tom Sorensen has The Life. To be able to have one of those “In My Opinion” gigs—and I don’t even care what the subject is—and have that be your salaried job, well...I think it's the ultimate dream gig. Sure, there are lots of opinion articles, but generally they have some sort of stipulation attached; the author has got to be funny a la Bill Simmons, for instance, or he or she has to travel to exotic locales and eat bugs and report on the experience—that sort of thing. Judging by his articles, though, Sorensen has to do NONE of that. He definitely doesn’t have to be funny, or even creative, for that matter (unless that line, “I liked Jeff McInnis,” was supposed to be a joke—which it had to be, right? I don’t know how else to process that one, unless he meant he liked Jeff “as a person”). He doesn’t even have to do a stunt wherein he watches tapes of every single Bobcats game this season in a row for four days straight and then describe how crazy it made him. In fact, as he tells us straightaway in the headline, he doesn’t even have to care about the subject at hand, nor offer any documented reason why. I can only imagine the editors who authorized this: “No really Tom, just ‘I don’t really care about this team’ will do.” Man. Amazing work, if you can get it.

That brings me to the second observation: isn’t it odd that someone would take the time to write several paragraphs with the sole purpose of expressing his lack of interest in something? I mean, if a person truly doesn’t care about something, why would it ever occur to him or her to even write about it at all? I can’t imagine sitting down right now and typing an article-length piece about something I have no interest in like, say, stamp collecting. I could come up with something I DISLIKE, mind you, like a $2-trillion dollar war that began under false pretenses, for example, or people who think immigration is a “problem”; but it’s actually hard to even think of something that I have no feelings on at all, positive or negative, let alone write about it. This leads me to believe that Mr. Sorensen actually does care about the Bobcats in the sense that he dislikes them, for whatever the reason.

Think about it: how many times in your life have you talked about something in sports or entertainment of which you’re a fan, and at the first opportunity the person you’re talking to comes back with, “Oh, I don’t care about/watch/listen to that”? And usually the person says it in varying degrees of a snooty tone that suggests that he or she is “above” caring about something like that and wants you to know it. In fact, I would argue that “not caring” about something in popular culture equates to "not liking" it, because to know about it and not consume it means you’re actively ignoring it. And in fact, in the article, after stating that he doesn't care, Sorensen adds, “And you don’t care,” with the clear implication being that we shouldn’t care (unless we’re in a “cult”). So thanks for your 2 cents on the Bobcats, Tom, it was worth every penny. And to the editors of the Charlotte Observer, do you need any other In My Opinion columnists? I probably won’t do any more research than Sorensen, but when I’m passively insulting your readership, I’ll at least throw a joke in there.

The other thing that I need to get off my chest regards this deluge of articles about the success of the Bobcats’ recent lineup stability, specifically how Raymond Felton has settled in at the 1. I’m sorry, I know I talked about this before, but I still can’t read any line like Rick Bonnell’s in the recap of the victory over the Hawks without reacting much the same way I did to David Tyree’s Super Bowl catch: gasping in disbelief. “(T)he constant confusion about roles has been cleared up,” Bonnell reports. “(Jeff) McInnis' departure stabilized Raymond Felton's role as playmaker.” (Gasp). PEOPLE, Raymond Felton was a point guard ALL HIS LIFE, prior to this year. WHY was there EVER confusion on this? It’s like if all of a sudden in the past year, lots of people became confused about Elton John’s sexual orientation, and his publicists had to put out a massive press release confirming that he actually is gay. The confusing thing is that Felton was ever considered to be something OTHER than point guard; that’s what confuses me...ESPECIALLY when Felton’s abysmal career shooting percentage is well-documented (he's long been one of the worst in the league), which you would think would make him a poor a candidate to ever assume the role of, you know, SHOOTING guard.

By the way, in that same article, we also got a priceless quote from Sam Vincent, who describes releasing Jeff McInnis as a “gamble.” Whaaaaa?? This was a “gamble” only if you consider removing your finger from a burning stove to be a “gamble.” I really haven’t heard anything this preposterous since General Norman Schwarzkopf described attacking with all of our tanks, B-52’s, and smart bombs in the First Gulf War as a “hail-mary.” A gamble? What was trading away Primoz Brezec? Hitting on twenty in blackjack? How stupid does Vincent think we are, and is it more or less than Sorensen?

Anyway, I never thought winning 5 in a row could be so…exasperating. I should emphasize that much to Sorensen's chagrin, not only do I care, I’m ticked to death. Especially when it comes to the Washington win! They’ve been pounding us relentlessly all year for reasons that have been as mysterious as they have been frustrating. Antonio Daniels, for instance, seemed to transform from journeyman point guard to unstoppable killer cyborg from the future every time we played them. And Roger Mason would go from “guy whose name sounds like an obscure mid-major college” to “guy who needs to be invited to the next 3-point shooting competition.” But finally, in our last meeting, we turned the tables. In a crazy string of ironies, we ran out to a 19-point lead, we took and made the open 3-pointers, and we sealed the victory with free-throws down the stretch and—most unlikely of all—two HUGE offensive rebounds with a minute to go, one each from Nazr Mohammed and Jason Richardson. Oh, and how I could I have left this out: Felton had 14 points and 12 assists as…get this…the point guard! No, seriously!!